You don't lie. You don't cheat. So why don't they trust you?

"I do not trust this person."

It is one of the sentences I have heard most often while leading teams, and the one that has made me think the most. The people it is said about are rarely frauds or liars. They are not trying to take anyone down. So what is it, exactly, that we do not trust?

Trust is hard to build and easy to lose. It is the oxygen of a team. Without it there is uncertainty, there are silos, and work slows down. Nothing really comes to life.

The problem is usually not that someone is a bad leader. The problem is that they are wobbling.

Three drivers, all in balance

Frances Frei and Anne Morriss describe three drivers of trust: authenticity, empathy and logic. To be trusted, all three need to be in place. If one wobbles, trust is not there.

Authenticity — do people have access to the real you? Being authentic means being open about what you think, feel and do. When we withhold, it shows in how we lead. This matters even more in diverse teams, where people cannot rely on shared background to fill the gaps. A simple first step: focus more on what you need to say, and less on what you think people want to hear.

Empathy — do you put people first? In the simplest terms, empathy is showing that you care more about the people than about yourself. It shows in where you put your attention. Is it on your phone and your inbox, or on the person sitting in front of you? Strongly analytical people, and people driven to learn, often wobble here.

Logic — can people trust your ideas and judgement? This is about the rigour of your thinking and the quality of your decisions. In my experience most people wobble not on the rigour but on the communication. If that is you, start with your main point and then build it up with the evidence. Speak to what you know, and be open about your limits.

Where do you wobble?

We do not wobble the same way with everyone. Different relationships and situations bring out different drivers. With one colleague you may need to explain your decisions better. With another, they may simply not have access to the real you.

Take a moment and think:

• Which relationship right now needs more trust?
• Is it authenticity, empathy or logic that is wobbling there?
• What is one thing you could do differently in your next conversation?

It starts closer to home

Above all, building trust starts with trusting yourself. Are you honest with yourself about your ambitions, or are you ignoring them? Why should people trust someone who does not trust themselves?